I Don’t Understand Mummy Shaming

I’ve never really gotten the concept of making another person feel guilty for their choices. It sounds a little hippy-dippy but unless someone’s choice was actually affecting other humans I just kind of meh-d and moved on with my life. I assumed that being a parent would be similar, everyone raises their own kids their own way and no-one really cares what anyone else is doing, except to comment about how super cute they are. And then met mummy shaming.

Meme for cuteness before I go into my rant.

mummy shaming cuteness

This week Chrissy Teigen mentioned that she is going to hire a night nurse and the internet seemed to go wild with people saying how awful that was.  Or when Reese Witherspoon posted a cute breakfast on Instagram for her toddler and was denounced for the demon sugar.   Or that time Ryan Reynolds accidentally put his baby in the carrier wrong and people just lost their freakin minds.

Sadly it’s not just keyboard warriors berating celebrities through a screen either.

I had someone walk up while I was feeding and state ‘you should be breastfeeding that baby – that’s basically child abuse’. It was breast milk in the bottle.
I had another individual lean into the stroller and coo ‘if your mummy made you walk you wouldn’t be so fat’. Bitch, he can barely freakin crawl, he’s not even a year old.
I’ve been told my C-section was the easy way out, lazy and selfish. He had the shoulders of a linebacker even as a newborn.
I’ve been repeatedly asked who was taking care of my son and then berated because he’s too young for day care even though he adores it.

I am incredibly lucky to have the support network I have: my amazing family and equally wonderful new mothers group. If I hadn’t had them, these comments would have felled me in my tracks.  Seriously though, what is it about my face that says ‘Hi, please tell me what I’m doing wrong in the nastiest way possible’? When did it become okay to walk up to a sleep deprived mother and fat shame her 8 month old?  Are people just walking around thinking that the world is an internet comments section and I won’t slap them? I mean I wouldn’t, but that’s more about not being able to summon up the energy.

I’m not sure I’ll ever understand the thought process behind saying nasty things to others, particularly those that struggle the most. I’m not even sure I want to.  Let’s all make this a world where we smile at someone having a bad day, offer support to people who need it and entertain other people’s cranky kids in supermarket check out lines.  Or maybe I’m just being hippy-dippy again.

mummy shaming mean girls

Is there something that you’ve never been able to understand? Confess in the comments or link up over at My Home Truths.

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    1. They really did sadly. And unfortunately I was so shocked I didn’t even come back with anything. Just sort of sat there stunned. Funnily enough when my 6 and a half foot husband is with me, no-one has anything awful to say 😉

  1. I don’t understand people’s need to make comments like that either. I had a woman tell me she was going to rip my uterus out because I crossed a road 10 seconds before the buzzer thing went off.

  2. I have three kids and I have heard it all. Including one woman who gave me hell for stopping her from picking up my baby from the stroller. People love to give their opinions. Makes them feel important I suppose. It’s pretty crappy though how much we torture people though. I’ve learned to smile and move on or if Im spoiling for a fight I tee off and swing for the cheap seats. I still smile when I think of the old bat who tried to lecture me on discipline and I thanked God loudly for sending me an Autism expert. When she sputtered that she wasn’t and didn’t know that my toddler had Autism I roundhoused on her and screamed that she MUST be an expert, why else would she have the balls to comment on a stranger trying to calm her child. I bet she’s STILL shaken up. 🙂

    1. Part of it I think is Henry’s immense size. People see him and think he’s a 3 year old but he’s not even 18 months. We get sanctimommy glares at playgrounds all the time because he won’t share until he opens his mouth and they realise he can’t talk.

  3. One of the rude comments I got: that I shouldn’t let my daughter sleep on her tummy in her pram when she was a bub. Hey *I* know about the risk of cot death, but she didn’t – and that was the ONLY way she would sleep. Would they rather she scream the shopping centre down?! I think not!

    1. Because people just automatically assume we are walking around in an ignorant bubble don’t they? Oh thanks random stranger for telling me that obvious thing!

  4. Mommy Shaming is ridiculous. As if being a parent isn’t hard enough, we have our fellow mothers judging us? I say we stick together and ride this crazy roller coaster called parenthood together. I gave my child a nutella covered waffle for breakfast, he was formula fed, and I had a c-section. I’m okay with all of the above, so everyone else should be too. 😛

  5. Yeah I don’t get that either. Thankfully I’ve never had anyone say anything horrible to me. To my face, anyway, I’m sure it’s happened behind my back. Some people are just so bitter they need to make everyone around them bitter too!

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