# solidaritea and chicken nuggets

This week an article was written in the Daily Mail condemning several bloggers for being so called ‘gin soaked slummy mummies’ because they frequently write about their mummy fails.

Really? Aren’t we better than this yet? We’re still criticizing other women for choices they’ve made and shaming those who choose to share the crappier moments of motherhood?

Alright well. You asked for it then. This is why I am going out in # solidaritea with these bloggers. This is why I think sharing this shit is important.

I got a lot of advice as a pregnant woman, but nothing anyone said prepared for the crippling lonliness of being a mother of a newborn. Because no matter how many mummy friends you have – you are the only one who is the mother of your child. The sense of responsibility in that statement is staggering isn’t it? If your child is unsettled or miserable, it must be your fault. Even though none of us know what we are doing the first time around, it’s all on us. The buck stops with you.

Isn’t that terrifying? And there’s no-one you can call at 2AM when the existential dread sets in, because everyone else is nailing this and your child just will not stop crying. But there is the internet. And for me, there was Hurrah For Gin. Those comics helped me through some shit, I’m not going to lie to you. HFG doesn’t lie about the fact that motherhood sometimes sucks ass but it also doesn’t lie about the fact that you can do this.

These bloggers share the struggle of leaving your child to go to work, only to have people asking who raises them.

They help mothers understand that while we all love our kids to the moon and back, they can sometimes be jerks.

And most importantly, they share that complete subjugation of self that occurs when having a child. And that it’s okay to want to claim that time back by way of shortcuts like washing the damn Spiderman spoon because it’s easier than dealing with another tantrum, or being grateful for frozen chicken nuggets because thank Christ the child is actually eating something.

We all know the good bits of motherhood. We share it incessantly on Facebook – the love and the joy and the snuggles and kisses.

But there’s also so much that we don’t share even though it’s arguably more important. we need these voices sharing the crappy bits too. The loneliness, boredom and fear as well as the crafts and the cuteness. Sharing these stories helps all the mums sitting in the trenches with a sobbing infant or listening to hour four of ‘why I need a fidget spinner’ and normalises the idea that motherhood isn’t always sunshine and goddam lollipops. Sometimes it sucks and in those times it helps to hear someone who not only lived to tell the tale but to laugh about it.

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7 comments

  1. Here here!! I feel like the same people condemning the mums who write about the reality and the valleys of motherhood/parenting are the same ones who hate seeing photos of my kid on Facebook. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Don’t judge it, especially if you haven’t been there yourself…and even if you have, everyone has it differently regardless.
    And I am beyond thankful for frozen nuggets and at times even the drive-thru!
    I will say though….my choice of beverage will never be gin…I’m more of a CocaCola girl.

  2. Well said! There are plenty of mum bloggers out there who do things differently to me. There are plenty of parents who don’t blog who do things differently to me. That is fine. I refuse to buy into the media’s attempts to whip up mummy wars that probably never existed. Other women are my greatest support, not my biggest competition.

  3. Yes! I have been writing about this same thing for … what? 12 years. I was blogging well before blogging was cool. Before anyone even used the word “blog”.

    I can assure you, yep, we’re still talking about this same old guff. It’s depressing.

    Not sure why the media still bang on about this tired old ‘story’. Or why people keep buying into it …but that’s for another blog post, I’m sure 🙂

  4. Uggghhhh am SO glad I missed that post from Dail Mail (barf). Can’t we just appreciate and build up the different people around us, instead of slamming those who aren’t exactly the same. The world would be so deadly boring if everyone was a sanctimommy. And while I’m not a fan of gin, the HFG site is such a godsend. It is so easy to feel like the only one failing at life… but being able to share both the wins and struggles of other mums and dads. Thanks for doing your bit in your corner of the internet to help out mamas like me. #solidarity

  5. #solidaritea ; I am a big fan of frozen fish fingers and though gin is not my first choice, I do like the occasional soak of wine…I also like to laugh, share my stories and read that others might even understand what is going on in my world. The writers that she bagged are gold; I have no idea why one women needs to tear them down, when they are genuinely supporting others…especially at 2am!

  6. The thing I love about mummy blogs is that if you read a few different ones you get a broad range of opinions and ideas based on lived experiences. I love reading stuff written by mums who are real about what life is like as a mum. Everyone’s experience is so different, let’s let people say it like it is. No judgement.

  7. Totally agree! I love the raw, honest posts by mums who “get” what motherhood is about. We see all the nice, fluffy pics and photos on our Facebook pages – I had a friend say that I always put up photos of my son smiling (which is true, but that is mostly him). But I think it is nice to see other mums having a bad day because I know I’m not alone when I feel like that – especially in the early days, when it was often. I always felt alone during those 2am feeds, and when you follow a mum blog and read those stories at that time, you feel less alone. #solidaritea all the way.

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