This week an article was written in the Daily Mail condemning several bloggers for being so called ‘gin soaked slummy mummies’ because they frequently write about their mummy fails.
Really? Aren’t we better than this yet? We’re still criticizing other women for choices they’ve made and shaming those who choose to share the crappier moments of motherhood?
Alright well. You asked for it then. This is why I am going out in # solidaritea with these bloggers. This is why I think sharing this shit is important.
I got a lot of advice as a pregnant woman, but nothing anyone said prepared for the crippling lonliness of being a mother of a newborn. Because no matter how many mummy friends you have – you are the only one who is the mother of your child. The sense of responsibility in that statement is staggering isn’t it? If your child is unsettled or miserable, it must be your fault. Even though none of us know what we are doing the first time around, it’s all on us. The buck stops with you.
Isn’t that terrifying? And there’s no-one you can call at 2AM when the existential dread sets in, because everyone else is nailing this and your child just will not stop crying. But there is the internet. And for me, there was Hurrah For Gin. Those comics helped me through some shit, I’m not going to lie to you. HFG doesn’t lie about the fact that motherhood sometimes sucks ass but it also doesn’t lie about the fact that you can do this.
These bloggers share the struggle of leaving your child to go to work, only to have people asking who raises them.
They help mothers understand that while we all love our kids to the moon and back, they can sometimes be jerks.
And most importantly, they share that complete subjugation of self that occurs when having a child. And that it’s okay to want to claim that time back by way of shortcuts like washing the damn Spiderman spoon because it’s easier than dealing with another tantrum, or being grateful for frozen chicken nuggets because thank Christ the child is actually eating something.
We all know the good bits of motherhood. We share it incessantly on Facebook – the love and the joy and the snuggles and kisses.
But there’s also so much that we don’t share even though it’s arguably more important. we need these voices sharing the crappy bits too. The loneliness, boredom and fear as well as the crafts and the cuteness. Sharing these stories helps all the mums sitting in the trenches with a sobbing infant or listening to hour four of ‘why I need a fidget spinner’ and normalises the idea that motherhood isn’t always sunshine and goddam lollipops. Sometimes it sucks and in those times it helps to hear someone who not only lived to tell the tale but to laugh about it.