It’s Not Easy Being Green (But Maybe It’s Worth It)

It’s not that easy being green, having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold or something much more colorful like that

Just like it’s not easy being green in a world of blue, it’s not easy being a girl geek. It’s not easy being teased for playing Magic The Gathering while the other girls watch the boys play footy. Being quizzed on your fandom every time you declare your interest. It’s not easy taking leave to become a mother and then having to pretend that motherhood hasn’t changed you when you come back in order to get respect. And it’s certainly not easy constantly pretending to be a different colour to fit in.

It’s not easy being green, it seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
and people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re not standing out
like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky

Being green means you blend in with the background. It means being asked to do the coffee runs, buy the birthday cakes, do the paperwork. It means that you have to be better, you have to shine, just to be treated the same as someone doing the bare minimum. It means that leaving work to be with a sick child makes you disorganised, but when a man does it, he’s a hero.

But green’s the color of Spring and green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree

And yet somehow, I persist. I stick with this career path even though my worst days make me feel like weeping and even the best days can leave me seeing red. Because I’m good at it. And as much as my industry hates being reminded of my motherhood, it helps me be good at my job. It helps me understand why someone is freaking out about broken remote access on holiday, because maybe it’s the only way they could get that time off to be with their family. Watching someone else learn the world showed me just how hard learning something new can be. Being green has made me patient and kind.

When green is all there is to be, it could make you wonder why,
but why wonder why, I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful
And I think it’s what I want to be

So maybe it’s not so easy to be green, but it’s worth it anyway. For years I painted myself a different colour according to who I was speaking to in an attempt to be liked. I had so many personalities, I started to lose track of who I was supposed to be at a given time. It was exhausting. Now I understand that being a success at life, doesn’t mean having a crowd of adoring fans. It’s having two people who care deeply. My husband and son don’t care that I talk about Doctor Who too much, or that I don’t know anything about sportsball. They don’t expect me to hide my ‘motherness.’ They know that green is who I am – and that makes it beautiful.

Green is definitely what I want to be.

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20 comments

  1. Beautiful post!!! It definitely isn’t easy, but like you, I think that I am coping pretty well most of the time!

  2. Oh. My. Goodness…. I LOVE and adore Kermit. This song, and The Rainbow Connection have always spoken to me. I’m with you in ‘geekiness’. I was a huge Doctor Who fan from the age of about 7, and still am. I like my weirdness now, but it’s taken a long time to get there!

  3. How wonderful that you have found yourself and love being green. I am in awe of your way of deciding to be who you know you are! Thanks for linking up #lifethisweek 11/52. Next week: Autumn

  4. Love the way you’ve written this. Such a beautiful take on the prompt. And this resonates with me, too and explains why green is one of my favourite colours.

  5. That sounds a bit awful – the part about having to shine just to be treated as if you’re doing the bare minimum anyway. It makes me wonder if motherhood is all it’s cracked up to be if you’re constantly torn between two sides of yourself and maybe feeling as if you’re not moving forward in either of them.
    I’ve gotta say that you have such a way with words and I’m glad that you’re no longer changing your colour depending on who you’re talking to.#lifethisweek

    1. Thanks lovely! I know it sounds weird but I kind of like feeling torn. Being a mum has made me a better version of myself – it’s rounded my sharp edges and taught me to believe in myself. It’s definitely given me courage!

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