Today’s blogmas topic was to share how I use social media for my blog but since I’m a bit of a blogging n00b I didn’t really have a lot to talk about, so I thought I would write something else. Today is my 33rd birthday and I don’t know about anyone else, but it seems a good enough day to reflect on the year that was. And what a year it was. I’ve seen the inside of more doctor’s offices and hospital wards in the last 365 days than I think I had for my entire life. It’s been one of the hardest, sweetest, cuddliest, scariest years of my life.
But I wouldn’t rewrite it for anything. Not one line.
Last year I spent my birthday in a doctor’s office sobbing while I held my jaundiced 8 week old who couldn’t sleep lying down, and constantly vomited everywhere. I was crying in relief because someone listened and agreed that this was not normal, that he was in pain, and that something should be done about it. I hadn’t slept in three nights and even after he started sleeping through the night, I suffered from crippling insomnia because I was so scared something would go wrong. Since then H has turned into a happy sturdy little boy who giggles maniacally while chasing the cat around the house for cuddles. He still takes medicine for his reflux, and we’ve had the added scare of febrile seizures into the mix but by and mostly we are all happy and healthy people who sleep all through the night and have done since his medication was perfected.
This last year has taught me to be grateful for the tiny little moments of my life – the three of us napping tangled together in bed, watching the boys sit in H’s tent and play, lying in the bath and reading a book (alone!).
I am grateful for having had a year off with Henry but I am also grateful for having a job to come back to where I can use my skills.
I am grateful to come home at the end of the day to a tiny snuggly person who laughs and calls my name as soon as my key makes noise in the lock.
I am grateful for (and scared by) the look he gives me when he is hurting, the trust he has that I will be able to make it better.
I am grateful for my wonderful supportive husband who inspires me every day to be my best self and does far more than his fair share of laundry.
I am grateful for the love of my parents and parents-in-law who have dropped everything on multiple occasions to sit with us at the hospital or take care of H when it all got too much.
I am grateful for the sense of self H has given me, the ability to be who I am and not constantly try to edit myself – because hey, if he loves me, I must be okay. After all, he’s a very discerning baby.
I am grateful for the ability to share all of this with you, for the love of writing that my mother inspired in me and most of all, to all of you for reading it.